JamieMagee :: Love advice for IT contractors: Don't hire your spouse

Tags: Work life

(have just recovered from a week of post-conference Flu)

I met my wonderful wife Calyce (Ka LIKE ee -- Greek mythological name for an American girl) in 1996 at Lotus where she was a Notes developer and I was a contractor. A couple of years later, after we got married, she had taken a leave from Lotus. My new company couldn't find enough developers, so I recruited her for an app dev project. Worked great for about a year, but then while arguing in the kitchen one day about a project related matter, the words "You're fired!" came out of my mouth at what seemed to be the exact same moment she said "I quit!". Quantum physics says no two things happen at the exact same time; one must've happened before the other. But the instant replay is not available, so we'll never know her true alumni status here at the company. But we get along great otherwise.

The upside of having married someone so close to my work is that she gets what I do -- and that makes working from home a lot easier. But if you want my advice, don't hire your spouse.

Comments

1 - Hi Jamie,

it's too late - way to late Emoticon

We not only studied together (we got to know each other in the first week at university), get our first job together (at the same time for the same employer), but also founded a company together.

You see, 24x7 in job and private Emoticon

Posted by Thomas Bahn At 04:06:04 PM On 02/14/2008 | - Website - |

2 - Do what I did and marry someone who knows nothing about computers, then you can baffle them with computer terms like RAM, or ODS, and they have no clue what you're talking about but have to look interested as they are your spouse.

Sweet revenge is better served with a sense of sarcasm Emoticon

Posted by Geoff Poole At 02:46:58 AM On 02/15/2008 | - Website - |

3 - Ha - my wife has no clue and that is better that way. She already tells me I don't know how to wash dishes the right way. Not that anybody ever dies from how I wash them but ... It seems I suck even at that.
Now imagine that conversation evolving around the securtity settings of a Sametime server in a DMZ and how to have the FW port rules set .... I rest my case, oblivion is bliss!

Posted by Victor Toal At 07:03:03 AM On 02/15/2008 | - Website - |

4 - Funny I was just thinking about this sort of thing today after trying to explain to my very non-geek wife (Masters in English no less) a seemingly simple fact about Blackberry servers. My conclusion was that having a spouse with a low tolerance for technical conversation is a great way to keep your customer-facing communication skills sharp.

That leaves our two-year old as my best hope of ever talking shop over the dinner table. As soon as he can spell "NotesDocumentCollection" I'll start teaching him in the ways of the Force...er Notes. Emoticon

Posted by Kevin Pettitt At 09:04:50 AM On 02/15/2008 | - Website - |

5 - Very interesting, Jamie! At the nexus of our 2 (current) worlds, does the same thing hold for hiring -- or founding with { Link } -- friends?

Hope all's been well by you over the last decade! Welcome to the blogosphere...

- Noam

Posted by Noam Wasserman At 12:53:54 PM On 02/17/2008 | - Website - |

6 - @1 - Thomas, you didn't say when. Did all of this happen last month? Emoticon

Good luck, and let me know how it's going NEXT year. Seriously, I wish you well. Some couples can pull it off.

@5 - Hey Noam! Great to hear from you and see your blog. Don't know whether I'm less surprised that you have a blog or a PhD Emoticon

.

Yes, I would generally assert that the same holds true for founding businesses with friends. I founded a business with strangers who had common business goals. Worked out great. Another example is four long-time best friends who founded a fast growing company and are now suing each other.

Spouse business co-founding is interesting to me, because a) many are run mostly for fun and b) any profit that would otherwise be split between two partners is effectively a zero-sum game anyway (assuming shared finances). When both are not true, I see family businesses cause problems.

Those are just anecdotes, but I think a general factor is that with a pure business relationship, each party is more comfortable sharing their true feelings in a proactive manner, BEFORE many problems would otherwise surface. Similarly, each party is more proactive about considering what the other partner would consider to be acceptable and good. Less is assumed due to one's acquaintance of the other, and less is taken for granted, as one must never rely on friendship as insurance against a less-than-fair decision.

Keep in touch!

Posted by Jamie Magee At 04:50:15 PM On 02/21/2008 | - Website - |